The 7 Habits was one of the very first leadership books I read. It has deeply impacted me and had a significant role in my development and leadership thought. I've attempted to summarize it to crystallize the key concepts; however, I do not do full justice to the work and deep thinking of Stephen R. Covey. I highly recommend reading the full book in depth.
PART 1 – PARADIGMS AND PRINCIPLES
Inside-Out
There is a difference between outward success and inner peace and congruence. Many who achieve so much outwardly, disclose that they still feel an inner hunger, a longing for personal congruence and for healthy, growing relationships with others.
The Personality and Character Ethics
The prevailing view of leadership (last 50 years) is personality focused; those external characteristics of image, communication skills, positive attitude, etc. They, and other quick tricks, used to leverage personality to gain influence. This type of approach does not lead to inner peace and congruence.
The historical view taught a character ethic focused on basic principles of effective living where you can only experience true success and enduring happiness by learning to integrate those principles into your basic character.
The Power of a Paradigm
The basic question, then, is what view of leadership to you prescribe to? The lens through which we see the world deeply impacts our understanding of the world. The idea is that it is very possible for multiple people to see the same thing through different lenses and come to different yet still factual understandings of it – e.g. the picture of the young/old woman. Based on your lens, you see one stronger than the other.
If we realize that we have the wrong focus, we desire change. In order for change to occur, we must be aware of our basic paradigms (ways in which we see the world) and be able to change them. If we want significant change, we can’t focus on behaviors and techniques, we must go deeper to the heart and root – our basic attitudes, views and character.
There is no quick-fix to significant change. It must start deep and new habits and ways of looking at the world formed.
The Seven Habits – An Overview
A habit is the intersection of knowledge (knowing what to do), skill (being able to do it) and desire (wanting to do it).
Effectiveness – The “P/PC Balance” P = Production. PC = Production Capacity. We all want P, however, if we only focus on the P and do not balance the PC we will have problems and the P will decrease. Example – a car as transportation is the P, if we don’t do the maintenance, PC, the effectiveness of the P (car) will diminish.
PART 2 – PRIVATE VICTORY
HABIT 1 – Be Proactive (Principles of Personal Vision)
Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions or environment.
Between a stimulus and our response, is our ability to choose our response. We have “response-ability.” Highly effective people recognize their responsibility.
Our freedom to choose is based on our own self-awareness, imagination, conscience and values and independent will.
We can subordinate our feelings to our values.
Reactive people are affected by their conditioning and respond based on feelings and the prevailing climate; they are not effective. (cf: Good to Great – 20 mile march)
Taking the initiative – Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them.
But people who end up with the good jobs or situations are proactive ones who are solutions to problems, not problems themselves; people who seize opportunities.
Listen to your language – is it proactive or reactive? If it seeks to resolve you of responsibility (I can’t, he…), you are reactive. You choose your response.
Circle of Concern/Circle of Influence
Where do you spend your time and energy? Crcle of concern – our health, our children, problems at
work, national debt, etc. Some of these things we can influence, and some we can’t. ircle of influence – things in our circle of concern that we can impact/change.
Where we focus our energy determines whether we are proactive or reactive. We must focus our energy on things we can influence, then we’ll be more effective. Focusing on the national debt or other peoples weaknesses is wasted energy and effort.
We have direct (problems solved by working on our habits), indirect (problems solved by working on our methods with others), and no control (problems not to be solved by us – must smile and accept) over certain things.
“Have’s” and “Be’s” – People who talk a lot about their need to “have” are reactive and focused on their circle of concern. People who focus on their “be’s” (I can be patient…) are proactive, character focused, and working on their circle of influence.
At the heart of our Circle of Influence is our ability to make and keep commitments and promises. First to ourselves, then to others. It is the essence of our growth.
HABIT 2 – Begin with the End in Mind (Principles of Personal Leadership)
Envision you funeral. Envision others speaking...about you...at your funeral. What would you want them to say about you?These should be the things that deeply matter to you. With this knowledge, we should focus our days around these things.
To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination.
All things are created twice. First there is the mental creation, then the physical or second (reality) creation. If we do not consciously have the first creation, the results are by default.
Leadership and Management
- Management deals with the bottom line – how can I best accomplish certain things. Leadership deals with the top line: What are the things I want to accomplish?
- Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things. (Drucker)
- Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.
- No management success can compensate for a failure in leadership.
I’m convinced that too often parents are also trapped in the management paradigm, thinking of control, efficiency, and rules instead of direction, purpose, and family feeling.
Do you have a personal mission statement?To write, we must begin at the very center of our Circle of Influence, our most basic paradigms and values.Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security (sense of worth, identity), guidance (direction), wisdom (perspective) and power (capacity to act).Alternative Centers (Spouse, family, money, work, possessions, pleasure, friend/enemy, SELF). Any of these will directly impact our security, guidance, wisdom and power. Ultimately, Covey argues that none of these should be at the center. Our principles and values should be at our center.
HABIT 3 – Put First Things First (Principles of Personal Management)
What one thing could you do (that you aren’t doing now) what if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your life? (or business, etc.)
Independent will makes effective self-management possible. It’s the ability to make decisions and choices and to act in accordance with them.
Personal integrity is the ability to make and keep commitments with ourselves.
We’ve gone through 4 generations of time management
- Notes and checklists
- Calendars and appointment books
- Prioritizing items on our list
- Making priorities of the important things
Rather than focusing on daily lists, make focus weekly and schedule key priorities.Make time for people and tasks. Seek balance, ensure spaces for rest.
PART 3 – PUBLIC VICTORY
Paradigms of Interdependence
Private victories always precede public victories
You can’t talk yourself out of problems you behave yourself into
The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or do, but what we are.
Power of the emotional bank account and importance of making deposits (understanding, courtesy, kindness, honesty, keeping commitments) vs. withdrawals (disrespect, overreacting, ignoring, betraying trust, etc.)
HABIT 4- Think Win/Win (Principles of Interpersonal Leadership)
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
- Win/Win – Seeks mutually beneficial solutions
- Win/Lose – If I win, you lose (most common)
- Lose/Win – I lose, you win
- Lose/Lose – Happens when two win/lose people engage
- Win – What matters is simply that they win.
- Win/Win, No Deal – means that we’re seeking mutual benefit to each of us. If we can’t find it, we step away from the discussion. You’re saying, “I only want a win/win.”
Five Dimensions of Win/Win
- Character (Integrity, Maturity, Abundance Mentality – there’s enough to go around
- Relationships – High trust built on strong emotional bank accounts.
- Agreements – Desired Results, Guidelines to follow, Resources to use, Accountability structure and consequences
- Supportive Systems – Management systems must support win/win or they will fail.
- Processes – Organizational processes must support win/win or they will fail.
HABIT 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood (Empathic Communication)
We have such a tendency to rush in, to fix things up. But we often fail to take the time to diagnose, to really understand the root cause of the problem.
If you want to truly influence someone, you must first deeply understand them.
Character is critical – it is constantly emanating and communicating. From it, I either trust you or I don’t.
Empathetic listening – most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They’re either speaking or preparing to speak. They filter everything through their own paradigms.Means listening with the intent to understand. Seeking to get inside another person’s frame of reference. To understand how they feel.Listen with your eyes and your heart. Listen for feeling, for behavior.You are focused on receiving the deep communication of another human soul.
Empathetic Listening Skills
- First and least effective) is to mimic content – repeat what they said.
- Second is to rephrase in your own words (better but still lacking).
- Third is to reflect feeling.
- Fourth (and best) is to rephrase and reflect feeling.
Must be genuine!!
Autobiographical listening (typical model) – we evaluate (agree/disagree, good/bad), we probe (we ask questions from our frame of reference), we advise (give counsel based on our own experience, we interpret (we try to understand others based on our motives and frames).
HABIT 6 – Synergize (Principles of Creative Cooperation)
The highest forms of synergy focus the four unique human endowments, the motive of win/win, and the skills of empathic listening. What results is miraculous. We create new alternatives that didn’t exist before.
Synergy is the essence of principle-centered leadership.· It is when the whole is greater than the parts.
Valuing differences is the essence of synergy – the mental, emotional,, and psychological differences between people. The key is that all people see the world not as it is, but as they are.
The person who is truly effective has the humility and reverence to recognize his own perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings.
PART 4 - RENEWAL
HABIT 7 – Sharpen the Saw (Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal)
In order to have a strong P (production) it is important to maintain our PC (production capacity) through renewal and rest.
Physical Renewal – caring for our body, eating the right foods, getting sufficient rest and relaxation, and exercising on a regular basis.
Spiritual Renewal – rejuvenating your core. Prayer, meditation, focus on scriptures.
Mental Renewal – continually learning, growing, etc.
Social/Emotional Renewal – having strong relationships with others that stems out of a principled centered life.
We must have balance in our renewal and engage all areas. When done well it is an upward spiral.
Recommendation: This is a classic leadership book that you should own, read, and re-read. Here is the link to it on Amazon - http://ow.ly/BDF3G
