L.E.A.D. - Leadership: Education & Discipleship

Why do you lead? Why do I?

The answer lies in our motivation. When I hop in the car to drive, I have a destination in mind. The same is true for leadership, but usually that destination, my motivation, is buried deep inside. Why do I lead? 

Often, our motivation starts with ambition; we are driven towards a certain goal.  The word ambition comes from a Latin word meaning “campaigning for promotion.” If I’m honest, sometimes I lead to be seen. I have a deep need to be noticed and accepted. Sometimes I lead because I like the perks. I like being able to tell people to “go-fer” this and “go-fer” that.   Or the extra money that sometimes comes with it. When I lead for me, I am campaigning for me. I am at the center.  

 That is not leadership. This is narcissism. It is vanity; self-centeredness with a grandiose view of one’s talents and a craving for other’s admiration. Ouch! We all know that the first step to recovery is admitting we have a problem. Let’s just call it out. Sometimes we lead for the wrong reasons.

Yet, we also know that: “to aspire to leadership is an honorable ambition.” 1 Timothy 3:1 There is an honorable type of motivation for leadership. “True greatness, true leadership, is found in giving yourself in service to others, not in coaxing or inducing others to serve you.” (Sanders) An honorable ambition is to serve others. To serve the mission. My family. My church and community. When I lead out of a deep inner compulsion to utilize the gifts and passions given to me, that is honorable. The same is true when I lead out of a deep desire to maximize the gifts and talents of others.  When I am compelled to provide clarity and direction.  When I am driven, to make sense out chaos. And have a desire to create a better tomorrow.

Anything less is narcissistic and driving in the wrong direction.

“Let nothing be done out of selfish ambition or conceit” Philippians 2:3

We all have an “oughtness.” I “ought to” do this or “ought to” be that. We feel it deep inside. We carry it with us; that sense of what “ought” to be. Sometimes the “ought” is a catalyst for change. More often it plagues us, like a weight or a cloud on our souls. We want to change. We want to see change in others. We make attempts, yet find ourselves back again in that same spot in the wilderness again and again.

Dr. Henry Cloud in his book Changes That Heal offers a simple, yet profound model for change, pulling from Luke 13:

“A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’

“’Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’ (vv. 6-9)

The parable starts with an evaluation. We are forever comparing reality from our expectation of “ought.” When we expect fruit and don’t find it, we feel the gap. Our natural response to unrealized expectations is often a legal one; “cut it down.” We pronounce judgment on ourselves and others. In ourselves this judgment typically takes the form of guilt, shame, and anger. We then make vows to “try harder”, only to find ourselves in the same spot time and again.  

For fun, take a pen. Seriously, grab a pen. Take the ink stick out and put the pen back together. Try to write. What? It didn’t work? No, seriously. Try to write again. Still didn’t work. Try harder! Nothing, right? Anger, additional effort and positive thinking will not get a change in results. You simply cannot produce the desired results without having the right components for results to occur.

For change to occur, the first thing we must do is stop the judgment. Stop yelling at the pen because it didn’t write. Recognize that currently the ingredients for success do not exist. The pen is not able to write without the ink stick. In life, change can begin when judgment stops. Brain scans show amazing results when we enter into grace filled zones. Environments with others when the fig leaf of shame and hiding is removed. Where we are safe to be vulnerable. Welcomed in our weakness. 

But simply being in the right environment does not make change occur either. We must expose the root of the problem. Truth must exist. We must dig around the tree, exposing that there is no ink. Or that we have a discipline problem or that we overeat to mask the pain of insecurity or loss. We must call out this root problem to effectively see change. But here’s the trick, we must be gentle. We must also be resolute. If we go in swinging a machete, we whack the root and kill the tree. If not resolute, we don’t deal with the real issue and try the easy fix which never solves the problem.

Now we apply grace; the fertilizer. We add back what is necessary for growth. Often this involves others delicately caring for and supplying that which we lack. Perhaps we are seeking to lead better but struggle to be organized. As a mentor, we must supply organization tools. We can schedule time with our friend to help them learn how to organize and walk them through it; often, more than once.

We then give it time. We don’t expect results tomorrow. Growth is a process. Reinforce wins, shed light on challenges, provide for needs.

Dr. Cloud illustrates the full model with a great story of a guy trying to help his CEO with a potentially life-threatening weight problem. When asked how he is helping the friend responds, “I’m holding him accountable. You know, I ask him if he’s doing the things he agreed to” However, the CEO isn’t doing those things and continues to gain weight at increased personal risk. Dr. Cloud quips that he told the friend, “stop holding him accountable, you’re going to kill him.” Instead, the friend needed to dig around the roots and realize that the CEO was new to his role and didn’t have the “E” skillset. He had recently lost a loved one and the eating was a coping mechanism. So to fertilize, they got him a CEO coach to mentor him. They would also show up at lunch time and get him out walking. A year later, the CEO was comfortable in his role, had the strong support of his team and his weight was under control with better habits to keep it there.

The “ought” had become the reality. The pen received ink and was able to write. This model opens up a lot of ideas for me. What would it be like to live in that type of authentic community? Is that type of community possible in a professional environment? What types of creative fertilizer could I be providing if I were very intentional about coming along side others. What if I wasn’t so quick to want to whack the tree down?

The 7 Habits was one of the very first leadership books I read. It has deeply impacted me and had a significant role in my development and leadership thought. I've attempted to summarize it to crystallize the key concepts; however, I do not do full justice to the work and deep thinking of Stephen R. Covey. I highly recommend reading the full book in depth.

PART 1 – PARADIGMS AND PRINCIPLES

Inside-Out 

There is a difference between outward success and inner peace and congruence. Many who achieve so much outwardly, disclose that they still feel an inner hunger, a longing for personal congruence and for healthy, growing relationships with others.

The Personality and Character Ethics

The prevailing view of leadership (last 50 years) is personality focused; those external characteristics of image, communication skills, positive attitude, etc. They, and other quick tricks, used to leverage personality to gain influence. This type of approach does not lead to inner peace and congruence.

The historical view taught a character ethic focused on basic principles of effective living where you can only experience true success and enduring happiness by learning to integrate those principles into your basic character.

The Power of a Paradigm     

The basic question, then, is what view of leadership to you prescribe to? The lens through which we see the world deeply impacts our understanding of the world. The idea is that it is very possible for multiple people to see the same thing through different lenses and come to different yet still factual understandings of it – e.g. the picture of the young/old woman. Based on your lens, you see one stronger than the other.

If we realize that we have the wrong focus, we desire change. In order for change to occur, we must be aware of our basic paradigms (ways in which we see the world) and be able to change them. If we want significant change, we can’t focus on behaviors and techniques, we must go deeper to the heart and root – our basic attitudes, views and character.

There is no quick-fix to significant change. It must start deep and new habits and ways of looking at the world formed.

The Seven Habits – An Overview

A habit is the intersection of knowledge (knowing what to do), skill (being able to do it) and desire (wanting to do it).

Effectiveness – The “P/PC Balance” P = Production. PC = Production Capacity. We all want P, however, if we only focus on the P and do not balance the PC we will have problems and the P will decrease. Example – a car as transportation is the P, if we don’t do the maintenance, PC, the effectiveness of the P (car) will diminish.  

PART 2 – PRIVATE VICTORY

HABIT 1 – Be Proactive (Principles of Personal Vision)

Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions or environment.

Between a stimulus and our response, is our ability to choose our response. We have “response-ability.” Highly effective people recognize their responsibility.

Our freedom to choose is based on our own self-awareness, imagination, conscience and values and independent will.

We can subordinate our feelings to our values.

Reactive people are affected by their conditioning and respond based on feelings and the prevailing climate; they are not effective. (cf: Good to Great – 20 mile march)

Taking the initiative – Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them.
But people who end up with the good jobs or situations are proactive ones who are solutions to problems, not problems themselves; people who seize opportunities.

Listen to your language – is it proactive or reactive? If it seeks to resolve you of responsibility (I can’t, he…), you are reactive. You choose your response.

Circle of Concern/Circle of Influence

Where do you spend your time and energy? Crcle of concern – our health, our children, problems at
work, national debt, etc. Some of these things we can influence, and some we can’t. ircle of influence – things in our circle of concern that we can impact/change.

Where we focus our energy determines whether we are proactive or reactive. We must focus our energy on things we can influence, then we’ll be more effective. Focusing on the national debt or other peoples weaknesses is wasted energy and effort.

We have direct (problems solved by working on our habits), indirect (problems solved by working on our methods with others), and no control (problems not to be solved by us – must smile and accept) over certain things.

“Have’s” and “Be’s” – People who talk a lot about their need to “have” are reactive and focused on their circle of concern. People who focus on their “be’s” (I can be patient…) are proactive, character focused, and working on their circle of influence.

At the heart of our Circle of Influence is our ability to make and keep commitments and promises. First to ourselves, then to others. It is the essence of our growth.

HABIT 2 – Begin with the End in Mind (Principles of Personal Leadership)

Envision you funeral. Envision others speaking...about you...at your funeral. What would you want them to say about you?These should be the things that deeply matter to you. With this knowledge, we should focus our days around these things. 

To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination.

All things are created twice. First there is the mental creation, then the physical or second (reality) creation. If we do not consciously have the first creation, the results are by default.

Leadership and Management

I’m convinced that too often parents are also trapped in the management paradigm, thinking of control, efficiency, and rules instead of direction, purpose, and family feeling.

Do you have a personal mission statement?To write, we must begin at the very center of our Circle of Influence, our most basic paradigms and values.Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security (sense of worth, identity), guidance (direction), wisdom (perspective) and power (capacity to act).Alternative Centers (Spouse, family, money, work, possessions, pleasure, friend/enemy, SELF). Any of these will directly impact our security, guidance, wisdom and power. Ultimately, Covey argues that none of these should be at the center. Our principles and values should be at our center.

HABIT 3 – Put First Things First (Principles of Personal Management)

What one thing could you do (that you aren’t doing now) what if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your life? (or business, etc.)

Independent will makes effective self-management possible. It’s the ability to make decisions and choices and to act in accordance with them.

Personal integrity is the ability to make and keep commitments with ourselves.

We’ve gone through 4 generations of time management

Rather than focusing on daily lists, make focus weekly and schedule key priorities.Make time for people and tasks. Seek balance, ensure spaces for rest.

PART 3 – PUBLIC VICTORY

Paradigms of Interdependence

Private victories always precede public victories

You can’t talk yourself out of problems you behave yourself into

The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or do, but what we are.

Power of the emotional bank account and importance of making deposits (understanding, courtesy, kindness, honesty, keeping commitments) vs. withdrawals (disrespect, overreacting, ignoring, betraying trust, etc.)

HABIT 4- Think Win/Win (Principles of Interpersonal Leadership)

Six Paradigms of Human Interaction

Five Dimensions of Win/Win

HABIT 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood (Empathic Communication)

We have such a tendency to rush in, to fix things up. But we often fail to take the time to diagnose, to really understand the root cause of the problem.

If you want to truly influence someone, you must first deeply understand them.

Character is critical – it is constantly emanating and communicating. From it, I either trust you or I don’t.

Empathetic listening – most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They’re either speaking or preparing to speak. They filter everything through their own paradigms.Means listening with the intent to understand. Seeking to get inside another person’s frame of reference. To understand how they feel.Listen with your eyes and your heart. Listen for feeling, for behavior.You are focused on receiving the deep communication of another human soul.

Empathetic Listening Skills

Must be genuine!!

Autobiographical listening (typical model) – we evaluate (agree/disagree, good/bad), we probe (we ask questions from our frame of reference), we advise (give counsel based on our own experience, we interpret (we try to understand others based on our motives and frames).

HABIT 6 – Synergize (Principles of Creative Cooperation)

The highest forms of synergy focus the four unique human endowments, the motive of win/win, and the skills of empathic listening. What results is miraculous. We create new alternatives that didn’t exist before.

Synergy is the essence of principle-centered leadership.· It is when the whole is greater than the parts.

Valuing differences is the essence of synergy – the mental, emotional,, and psychological differences between people. The key is that all people see the world not as it is, but as they are.

The person who is truly effective has the humility and reverence to recognize his own perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings.

PART 4 - RENEWAL

HABIT 7 – Sharpen the Saw (Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal)

In order to have a strong P (production) it is important to maintain our PC (production capacity) through renewal and rest.

Physical Renewal – caring for our body, eating the right foods, getting sufficient rest and relaxation, and exercising on a regular basis.

Spiritual Renewal – rejuvenating your core. Prayer, meditation, focus on scriptures.

Mental Renewal – continually learning, growing, etc.

Social/Emotional Renewal – having strong relationships with others that stems out of a principled centered life.

We must have balance in our renewal and engage all areas. When done well it is an upward spiral.

Recommendation: This is a classic leadership book that you should own, read, and re-read. Here is the link to it on Amazon - http://ow.ly/BDF3G