Showing posts with label Leadership. Show all posts
The Power of "And"
"Tom, you've had a great quarter, you're really making progress in meeting our sales goals....but...your reports are often late."
Tom walks out dejected. He’s been killing it and built a loyal customer base. He can’t understand why it’s not enough for his boss, Mike. Six months ago he took a position at the new company eager to make an impact. He feels like he’s found his niche. But now he’s not so sure.
As Tom walks out of the office, Mike senses something is off. He loves having Tom on the team; he’s incredibly gifted and is improving their overall performance. Sure, he’d like for him to improve his reporting timeliness, but it’s not a huge deal to him.
Have you ever noticed how sometimes a single word can change an entire conversation?
Recently I was discussing the Christmas holiday with a colleague. He began sharing about his parents who are aging, and it felt like that classic set-up was coming - the one that starts with something nice; then a "but" is inserted to share what's really going on.
“I love spending time with them, we had a great time together during the holidays…..
So when he paused and slightly rocked his head back, I fully expected to hear "but...."; yet, that's not what he said. He chose a different word. A word that made a world of difference. He was able to share his heart, while still honoring those he was talking about "and."
And, I’m trying to decide if I should engage them about their future,” he said.
He clearly loves his parents. He loved spending time with them. Instead of negating that, he built upon it.
Suppose you tell your kids how much you love and appreciate them, but... wish they'd pick up after themselves more. For the child, and any hearer, using "but" completely invalidates the prior positive. All that's heard is, "I'm not happy with you, try harder."
The power of "and."
"Tom, you've had a great quarter, and you're really making great progress in meeting our sales goals....and... I'd love for you to take the next step next by improving the timeliness of your reports."
Tom walks away elated and encouraged to challenge himself to the next level.
The power of "and."
[Book Reflections] 41 - A Portrait of My Father
George H.W. Bush has lived a truly remarkable life. He is the son of a Senator, a WWII hero, and business man; and was a diplomat, CIA Director, Vice President and President. Yet, he once remarked that his favorite titles were husband, father, and granddad.
As I read his life story, 41: A Portrait of My Father (penned by his son, George W. Bush), I used a different title. One that is not easily earned, but rightly deserved: Leader. George Bush is a leader.
Leadership is:
Discipleship - One of the remarkable traits that jumps off the pages is Bush's heart towards others - his life has been intentional to pour into other lives, both great and small. The proof is his sons, two of which have followed him into public service, and one of them following him to the Oval Office.
Character - You can't read 41 without feeling the deeply held, and acted upon, moral beliefs of George Bush. He often acted out of principle, as opposed to feeling or desire. There were times when his loyalty and reluctance to "go negative" hurt him politically, but they defined him as a leader.
Humility - One of the most difficult traits of leadership is humility, but George Bush modeled it. He was quick to reflect praise, to poke fun at himself and to share credit with others. A great example is when he invited Saturday Night Live's Dana Carvey to the White House to cheer up the staff (after his re-election defeat in 1992) by impersonating him.
Courage - Perhaps one of the most touching aspects of Bush's life is his courage. You can't read the book and not want to push further, to take more risk, to stand when the world says sit. He didn't accept the silver spoon offered to him on Wall Street as a young war hero, son of a Senator and recent Yale grad. Instead he ventured out to West Texas to stake his own claim. Multiple times he committed political suicide by following his principles or remaining loyal to a fault. Yet, he found a way and the courage to stand up again when everyone and everything said it couldn't be done.
Love - I was struck by the love expressed by W. towards his father and the innumerable times he described his father's love towards others. What type of man has such a devoted family? What type of leader is able to build deep, lasting friendship with his opposition (for example, Bill Clinton considers him a father figure in his life)? What type of man writes thousands of notes to his family and others to express care for them? A man of love. George H.W. Bush.
Responsibility - He didn't always get it right. He made mistakes. But, he never shifted the blame - he took it straight on. Leadership is responsibility.
Spiritual - Bush understood that his decisions didn't only concern himself ,but had deep impact and lasting ramifications for those around him and the world. He didn't make decisions lightly but relied heavily upon his deep faith to guide him. He is a man of prayer and believed that he was accountable for his decisions.
More than anything, what struck me about this book was grace. We live in a politically charged and divided culture. Anger, hate, mistrust and antagonism rule. We retreat and build walls around ourselves within our like-minded groups and lob grenades on Facebook and Twitter. George H.W. Bush lived differently. He engaged and related with others, regardless of their beliefs or political bent. Some of his close and endearing friends are from very different walks of life and worldviews. Communist Presidents, political opponents, and media elite have a close affection and appreciation for him. Moreover, I can't remember a strong negative comment in the book about anyone. Grace like this is much needed in our world today.
If you are looking for a deep treatise on the political ideology of George H.W. Bush, or an expose' and tell-all book, it cannot be found here. It is a very easy read, a moving story of a great man by a loving son. It is a book that makes you want to be a better person, a book that walks you through history and challenges you to make some history of your own. But in the end, it is a book that touches your heart, reminding you that the two most important things in life are faith and family.
Read it; you'll be glad you did.
Book Summary: Tough Choices by Carly Fiorina
I recently read that Carly Fiorina, the former CEO for Hewlett Packard is considering a run for President. Early this year I read her book, Tough Choices, and thoroughly loved it. I was moved by her passion for leadership and her determination to persevere through very difficult challenges.
This is not a typical book summary, rather a collection of some of my favorite quotes from the book. It is a book worth reading, particularly if she does make a run for the Oval Office.
There are some who would argue a manager’s job is to use fear to motivate
people, but I believe a leader’s job is to help people overcome their fear.
(pg. 26)
People don’t do business with a company; they do business with people who
represent that company and can commit its resources and support. (pg. 96)
For many people, even deep dissatisfaction with the known present can be
preferable to the fear of an unknown future.
I learned that when people are afraid, they turn inward and protect
themselves and those things most personal and important to them. (pg. 121)
It is the particular nature of American business that negotiations become
real when words go to paper. (pg. 126)
Sometimes leaders make decisions for others. Sometimes leaders let others decide. And sometimes leaders build processes that
help everyone make decisions and help people choose where they should lead and
where they should follow. (pg. 128)
HP’s culture – no one would set challenging goals. (pg. 153)
Whenever a leader hears a team say “We can’t” – for whatever reason –
much more conversation is required. And
teams are built through such conversations.
Team are built when people can work together to successfully solve
problems and achieve goals. Teams are
built through effective collaboration. (pg. 167)
Managers control resources, but people follow leaders. Managers produce desired results within known
boundaries and defined conditions.
Leaders take risks, take action, create some excitement and create
something new. (pg. 183)
Leaders are defined by three things: character, capability and
collaboration. Leaders are candid and courageous; they know their strengths and
use them; they bolster their weaknesses by relying on others with complementary
skills and by constantly learning and adapting; they know when they need help
and seek it; they know when help is required by others, and they provide it.
(pg. 185)
The best meetings occur when people share a common experience. The most progress is made when people
discover things together. (pg. 186)
Strategy and operations are two sides of the same coin. (pg. 195)
Incremental change is sometimes viewed as safer, but incrementalism often
lacks the necessary force to overcome inertia and resistance. (pg. 197)
[At HP] Consensus decision making was celebrated as the ideal. There are, of course, times when consensus is
important, and there are other times when an individual or small group decides
on behalf of the larger group. At HP,
however, a call for consensus was a very effective way of grinding the
decision-making process to a halt. (pg. 201)
Horizontal is not the same as centralized. Centralized decision making is traditional,
vertical, command-and-control behavior where decisions are made in a central
location. Horizontal decision making is
distributed across many organizations and locations. Each decision maker knows his or her role by
virtue of the process map. (pg. 220)
Values are signposts to guide people’s behavior when the rules aren’t
clear and the supervisor isn’t present.
Goals and metrics are what get done.
Values are how those things get done. (pg. 265)
Improving performance discipline was focused on using program management
processes throughout the company to drive consistent, reliable execution (pg.
273)
A [manager] must strike that right balance between letting people do
their jobs and constantly verifying that the details are being attended to
appropriately, and then making course corrections as required. (pg. 276)
Stop, Drop, and Roll - Avoiding Leadership Burnout
I should have known trouble was lurking, as the light slid from amber to red. I simply wasn't paying attention. I was going too fast, was oblivious to the warning signs. Then thud. I hit a wall. Out of nowhere, it sneaked up on me and crossed my path.
The good news is that this wasn't physically real; it was the emotional kind of wall we hit when we run too hard, too fast, for too long.
Most leaders are driven.They run "at pace," focused on the goals ahead. They often have an unending supply of capacity, have crazy energy to do more and get more done. But sometimes they "over rev" the engine, and the gauges scream past the red line. I should have known trouble was on the horizon when things began to shudder and the warning lights went off. Instead, I cruised on by my friends and colleagues with a grin on my face as my white knuckled hands gripping the steering wheel.
Perhaps, you've been there before. Perhaps you are there or know that you're getting close. This blog is a reminder (first to myself) of the warning signs of, and the recovery from, Leader-driving-too-fast-itis Syndrome.
Signs from the Road
+ The brakes don't work, but you don't care - This is when you feel the pace pick up and you gently tap the breaks to see if they work. They don't, but you don't care. The speed is addictive; everything you have to do feels so important. After all, you need to get somewhere and you're in a hurry.
+You take relational short-cuts - Relationships take time, energy and attention. When you're driving too fast you start to avoid people, hide out, withdraw - anything to accomplish the job you are working on.
+You ignore regular maintenance - An obvious sign that you're about to careen out of control is when you change your routine. First, it might be sacrificing sleep. Next might be your eating habits; your regular diet suffers as you rationalize that your indulgences are justified because you're working so hard. Perhaps you've forgotten to work out, or do those other types of things that energize you. Beware: danger ahead.
Stop, Drop, and Roll
Let's change the metaphor from driving to fire - because once you hit a wall, you have likely caught fire and need to put it out QUICKLY! Stop, drop, and roll.
+Stop - That's it. Really. You just need to stop for a while. Stop running at that pace. Stop thinking the world is on your shoulders and that it's all up to you. Stop. Take a day, a weekend, or a week and simply rest. No demands. No expectations. "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)
+Drop - Drop a few expectations. Drop a few items from your to do list. If necessary, drop to your knees and seek forgiveness for the pride that drove you to go so fast in the first place. A few things might "drop," and yes a few people might be frustrated. My favorite phrase for them in these instances is, "I have two words for you - deal with it." Smile, walk away and rest. You'll be back at it again soon enough.
+Roll - perhaps the hardest of all. Simply roll with it. Drop the pressures for a few days. No controlling everything. No trying to make everything into your image. The idea is to rest. Remember you are, or were, on fire. Getting burned hurts. Relax, breathe, rest.
There are usually people along the way who notice that we're on a collision course. Some even point it out to us. Do you have a favorite quip that you launch back at them? The one you've rehearsed and repeated far too many times to count? The "get off my back" line? Mine sounds super-spiritual - I love to quote Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." The problem is that in reality, I stop after the first five words. "I can do all things..." And I believe it. But I can't, and more importantly, that Christ hasn't asked me to.
So where are you? Are there warning signs that need heeding? Are you driving at a good pace? Or have you careened off course and caught fire? If so, stop, drop and roll.
Leading at Home - A Focused Family
"Did he really just say that?" my wife leaned over and whispered. We were at a marriage conference at Focus on the Family several years ago and Francis Chan was speaking. The question he had just posed hung over the audience: "Are you focused on your family? Or is your family focused?" [video].
His challenge was clear. It isn't enough to simply focus attention on our activities, status, and comfort; rather, there is a deep need to set intentional direction for our families.
Life in the American family today is like warp speed from the science fiction films of the 80's and 90's. The control operator hits a button and the space craft lurches forward with blurry white lines whizzing past, until suddenly the craft lurches again and you've arrived in deep space. For many, deep space is graduation day or the day you give your little princess away in marriage and wonder, "where did the time go?" But for some, deep space isn't so joyous. It could be that somewhere our lives and families careened off course - and when the white lines stop, we look around and ask, "How did I get here? What went wrong?"
We get in trouble because we aren't focused. But the culprit isn't just busyness. There is a foe lurking in the shadows that strikes our minds with cries of "urgency," the need to do everything, and do it now. In so doing, weariness weighs down our best intentions.
Vexed by this challenge in his own home and through an unfortunate passing comment made to his wife, Patrick Lencioni, one of my favorite authors on organizational health, took on the challenge to translate business principles into family management practices. From his own journey, he wrote The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family, a fable about a frantic family that got focused.
Recently, this book caused me to stop and look around. It was a hectic time for our family: soccer, homeschool, piano, church, ministry, and seemingly every other activity under the sun was continually vying for our energies and attentions. We were exhausted, running at warp speed. Agreeing that something needed to change, we sat down and went through Lencioni's exercises. Though still busy, and intentionally so, we now have focus. We have a simple framework to make choices clearer and then to evaluate performance against. Here's how it works:
Step 1: Identify what makes your family unique. What things make your family different from those around you? These can be your particular traits (timely, organized, athletic), or your core values (honesty, service, gratitude) or your strategy (life is centered around the family, the poor, or politics). The key is that they are true of your family; sometimes others might even think you take them too far or possibly even find them annoying.
Step 2: Determine your family's top priority, or "rallying cry," right now. What is most important for your family to focus on for the next 2 to 5 months? Maybe it is getting somebody healthy (spiritually, psychologically, physically, etc.). Maybe it is adopting a child or moving to a new home. For some, it might be getting out of debt or making more time for the family. The point is that you have a singular focus. If you were to achieve just one thing during that time, what is the most impactful thing you could do?
Step 3: Create supporting activities. The 3 to 5 things that must happen for you to achieve your rallying cry. Basically, they are the trackable actions that, if accomplished, will assure you of accomplishing your top priority. Let's say your top priority is to spend more time as a family. Your supporting activities might be dad traveling less, reducing non-family activities, intentionally scheduling family dates and outings.
Step 4: Set Basic Health Gauges. Even focused families have to make sure all cylinders are running properly, even while you focus on your main priority. These are the typical warning lights to alert you to trouble. They are the basic components of family life that we typically keep our eyes on: finances, health, marriage, etc. So, if your rallying cry is "remodel the basement," you may see your finance light turning red if you pass on carpet and opt for an imported wood floor. Or the marriage light, if your spouse is a bit overconfident in his ability to save costs by doing the electrical work himself. Oops.
The keys to success for this effort are simple. First, set aside time to take through each of the four steps. Second, write them down. Third, review them on a weekly basis and quickly evaluate performance using a green (good), yellow (ok), red (needs attention) scale. The idea is not precision (sorry engineers), rather a quick subjective way to remind ourselves of what's important, where we're at and what changes we need to make for the next week.
It seems only fair that I share ours (and I'd love to see yours as well!). It's important to note, Autumn is always an extra busy period for our family with sports, school and other activities. As a result, we can get very outward focused. So our rallying cry for the winter is a reminder to make sure our foundation as a family stays strong.
Francis Chan is right; are our families focused? Are we intentional about redeeming the days?
Here's to a focused family.
Leadership is Love
Organizations are social structures, created to multiply the talents and skills of people, at rates exponentially higher than could be achieved individually. So why do so many people and organizations underperform? Why are only 13% of employees engaged and why do so many merely tolerate their jobs? Why are so many offices toxic?
A key reason is that our leaders lack love.
About now, you may be debating whether to continue reading. I realize I just went off the rails a bit. But the reality is that love does equate to greater performance, ROI, and job satisfaction.
Leadership is Love
I remember the first time it happened to me. I was walking down a very narrow hallway of the mid-sized organization I worked for. I suddenly realized the CFO was walking towards me. Because we'd never met, I became a bit nervous, afraid I'd say something stupid. As it turns out I shouldn't have been. As he approached me, he tucked his head down, focused on his shoes and strolled right by me. I was stunned and hurt; I hoped he was simply busy or having an off-day. But then it happened again, and then again. I quickly realized it wasn't just him - it was part of the culture. Common dignity and courtesy were replaced with status and elitism. My stint in that organization was brief. Their corporate performance was, and is, abysmal.
The other day, a friend was sharing about a prior supervisor she had poured herself out for. She thought they were close, but as soon as he was promoted it was as if he didn't know her. "I wandered if he ever cared about me, or simply used me to get his new job," she lamented.
Leadership is Love
This "love" should not be confused with romantic feelings or strong positive sentiments, such as mine towards cheeseburgers. For leaders, love is seeking the best interests of those around you, even if and when it comes at a personal cost. Love is about caring for, and demonstrating that care, for others - at times like an extended family. Think about your favorite boss; odds are, they demonstrated this type of love toward you.
Here are a few practical tips for starters:
- Acknowledge others' presence. It can be a simple smile, head-nod (more a guy thing), handshake, or "hello," ("hallo" as my African friends say it). For those on your team, a great practice is developing a daily habit of walking around the cubes and greeting each person by name. It doesn't have to take long; this simple act goes a long way and people take notice!
- Seek to make others better, and their lives easier. It's easy to have people scurry about to accomplish your needs. But when was the last time you genuinely sought to lighten the load, pitch in and make someone else's day better? Are you seeking to develop your staff, particularly the things core to their passions?
- Make Sacrifices. Sometimes this is simply being vulnerable and sharing a part of yourself. Sometimes it is putting your neck on the line for someone else. Other times it means being willing to miss a deadline to release a person to deal with a problem at home.
- Be generous with praise! People need affirmation and encouragement. The cost is incredibly low. Be specific, as in, "I noticed you how you handled that difficult customer, well done."
- Be truthful; have the difficult conversations when necessary - No one likes to think they're doing well when they are not, or that they are adding value when their usefulness has passed. But often, through fear, we don't deal with hard truths because we are more concerned with ourselves than loving those we need to engage. Have a hard conversation. Tell the truth. But do so lovingly.
Love is patient. It is kind. It is not proud or rude. It doesn't demand it's own way. It is not irritable nor keeps a record of wrong. It does not rejoice at injustice but does rejoice at the truth. It never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Other Related Posts
The Seven Traits of Leadership
Leadership is Discipleship
Leadership Starts with Character
Leadership is Humility
Leadership is Courageous
Sources
How Organizational Love Can Improve Leadership (Rodney Ferris) http://insightu.net/content/ll/organizationallove140227.pdf
Love the Killer App (Tim Sanders)
