"Tom, you've had a great quarter, you're really making progress in meeting our sales goals....but...your reports are often late."
Tom walks out dejected. He’s been killing it and built a loyal customer base. He can’t understand why it’s not enough for his boss, Mike. Six months ago he took a position at the new company eager to make an impact. He feels like he’s found his niche. But now he’s not so sure.
As Tom walks out of the office, Mike senses something is off. He loves having Tom on the team; he’s incredibly gifted and is improving their overall performance. Sure, he’d like for him to improve his reporting timeliness, but it’s not a huge deal to him.
Have you ever noticed how sometimes a single word can change an entire conversation?
Recently I was discussing the Christmas holiday with a colleague. He began sharing about his parents who are aging, and it felt like that classic set-up was coming - the one that starts with something nice; then a "but" is inserted to share what's really going on.
“I love spending time with them, we had a great time together during the holidays…..
So when he paused and slightly rocked his head back, I fully expected to hear "but...."; yet, that's not what he said. He chose a different word. A word that made a world of difference. He was able to share his heart, while still honoring those he was talking about "and."
And, I’m trying to decide if I should engage them about their future,” he said.
He clearly loves his parents. He loved spending time with them. Instead of negating that, he built upon it.
Suppose you tell your kids how much you love and appreciate them, but... wish they'd pick up after themselves more. For the child, and any hearer, using "but" completely invalidates the prior positive. All that's heard is, "I'm not happy with you, try harder."
The power of "and."
"Tom, you've had a great quarter, and you're really making great progress in meeting our sales goals....and... I'd love for you to take the next step next by improving the timeliness of your reports."
Tom walks away elated and encouraged to challenge himself to the next level.
The power of "and."
