Archive for 2015
The Power of "And"
"Tom, you've had a great quarter, you're really making progress in meeting our sales goals....but...your reports are often late."
Tom walks out dejected. He’s been killing it and built a loyal customer base. He can’t understand why it’s not enough for his boss, Mike. Six months ago he took a position at the new company eager to make an impact. He feels like he’s found his niche. But now he’s not so sure.
As Tom walks out of the office, Mike senses something is off. He loves having Tom on the team; he’s incredibly gifted and is improving their overall performance. Sure, he’d like for him to improve his reporting timeliness, but it’s not a huge deal to him.
Have you ever noticed how sometimes a single word can change an entire conversation?
Recently I was discussing the Christmas holiday with a colleague. He began sharing about his parents who are aging, and it felt like that classic set-up was coming - the one that starts with something nice; then a "but" is inserted to share what's really going on.
“I love spending time with them, we had a great time together during the holidays…..
So when he paused and slightly rocked his head back, I fully expected to hear "but...."; yet, that's not what he said. He chose a different word. A word that made a world of difference. He was able to share his heart, while still honoring those he was talking about "and."
And, I’m trying to decide if I should engage them about their future,” he said.
He clearly loves his parents. He loved spending time with them. Instead of negating that, he built upon it.
Suppose you tell your kids how much you love and appreciate them, but... wish they'd pick up after themselves more. For the child, and any hearer, using "but" completely invalidates the prior positive. All that's heard is, "I'm not happy with you, try harder."
The power of "and."
"Tom, you've had a great quarter, and you're really making great progress in meeting our sales goals....and... I'd love for you to take the next step next by improving the timeliness of your reports."
Tom walks away elated and encouraged to challenge himself to the next level.
The power of "and."
[Book Reflections] 41 - A Portrait of My Father
George H.W. Bush has lived a truly remarkable life. He is the son of a Senator, a WWII hero, and business man; and was a diplomat, CIA Director, Vice President and President. Yet, he once remarked that his favorite titles were husband, father, and granddad.
As I read his life story, 41: A Portrait of My Father (penned by his son, George W. Bush), I used a different title. One that is not easily earned, but rightly deserved: Leader. George Bush is a leader.
Leadership is:
Discipleship - One of the remarkable traits that jumps off the pages is Bush's heart towards others - his life has been intentional to pour into other lives, both great and small. The proof is his sons, two of which have followed him into public service, and one of them following him to the Oval Office.
Character - You can't read 41 without feeling the deeply held, and acted upon, moral beliefs of George Bush. He often acted out of principle, as opposed to feeling or desire. There were times when his loyalty and reluctance to "go negative" hurt him politically, but they defined him as a leader.
Humility - One of the most difficult traits of leadership is humility, but George Bush modeled it. He was quick to reflect praise, to poke fun at himself and to share credit with others. A great example is when he invited Saturday Night Live's Dana Carvey to the White House to cheer up the staff (after his re-election defeat in 1992) by impersonating him.
Courage - Perhaps one of the most touching aspects of Bush's life is his courage. You can't read the book and not want to push further, to take more risk, to stand when the world says sit. He didn't accept the silver spoon offered to him on Wall Street as a young war hero, son of a Senator and recent Yale grad. Instead he ventured out to West Texas to stake his own claim. Multiple times he committed political suicide by following his principles or remaining loyal to a fault. Yet, he found a way and the courage to stand up again when everyone and everything said it couldn't be done.
Love - I was struck by the love expressed by W. towards his father and the innumerable times he described his father's love towards others. What type of man has such a devoted family? What type of leader is able to build deep, lasting friendship with his opposition (for example, Bill Clinton considers him a father figure in his life)? What type of man writes thousands of notes to his family and others to express care for them? A man of love. George H.W. Bush.
Responsibility - He didn't always get it right. He made mistakes. But, he never shifted the blame - he took it straight on. Leadership is responsibility.
Spiritual - Bush understood that his decisions didn't only concern himself ,but had deep impact and lasting ramifications for those around him and the world. He didn't make decisions lightly but relied heavily upon his deep faith to guide him. He is a man of prayer and believed that he was accountable for his decisions.
More than anything, what struck me about this book was grace. We live in a politically charged and divided culture. Anger, hate, mistrust and antagonism rule. We retreat and build walls around ourselves within our like-minded groups and lob grenades on Facebook and Twitter. George H.W. Bush lived differently. He engaged and related with others, regardless of their beliefs or political bent. Some of his close and endearing friends are from very different walks of life and worldviews. Communist Presidents, political opponents, and media elite have a close affection and appreciation for him. Moreover, I can't remember a strong negative comment in the book about anyone. Grace like this is much needed in our world today.
If you are looking for a deep treatise on the political ideology of George H.W. Bush, or an expose' and tell-all book, it cannot be found here. It is a very easy read, a moving story of a great man by a loving son. It is a book that makes you want to be a better person, a book that walks you through history and challenges you to make some history of your own. But in the end, it is a book that touches your heart, reminding you that the two most important things in life are faith and family.
Read it; you'll be glad you did.
